Can I do this someday?

I mean, really now. How amazing would it be to have this as your morning routine? I would like that very much. So here's your visual inspiration, and take the musical inspiration from the last post!

"Oh my life is changing everyday in every possible way"

Well. I've been a busy bee! Finished the programs, finished putting together the gifts and notes for the bridesmaids, purchased all the linens for the reception, finished all the place cards and escort cards, the ceremony has been laid out, ordered the favors, and even picked out a cute honeymoon outfit! That's probably not high on the list of importance, but it made me feel pretty good. All that stuff has been sent on it's way to MD and I'm left here sorta wondering what to do with myself. Not that there's a lack of things to do. I've still got to pack up the house. I've started in on some things, the easy stuff, like DVD's and books. This upcoming weekend will probably be the big push for packing.

I have been in the biggest workout slump. I don't think I've run in... 2 weeks? And I haven't done any activity whatsoever for the past week. Thankfully, I've lots of time before the race I signed up for (Dec. 8th). Not so great is my rapidly decreasing strength and stamina. Oh well, I'll just start from the beginning again. I was eating very little up until this past weekend and then somehow Cheetos and pizza and brownies made their way into the house... Don't know how that could have happened... I blame the cats! Despite the cats sabotage I seem to still be holding the weight at bay.

I think one of the best things about living out here in California is the access to produce. It's nearly year round and on top of that, it's so cheap. It's easy to get back on track diet wise when meat and cheese cost make your wallet squeal, while produce makes your wallet sigh with relief as you're muscling out a pallet full of vegetables and fruit from your local store. The other day we had so much produce left over we decided to make a 'casserole' which I believe translates into, chop it up and toss it all in the oven. My current favorite thing to make is kale with loooooots of garlic and a whole onion. Not exactly the most pleasant experience for Ed, but boy do I feel healthy after eating that. Debbie gave us this awesome garlic roaster which we've been putting to good use as well.

I'm getting really excited to get back to the east coast and play. And by play I mean help organize wedding stuff. I can't wait to help my Mom... ya'll should see the stuff she's putting together. It's amazing. And all the bitching I do about being swamped with stuff... I'm perpetually inundating her with information and purchases and she still has a full time job to manage. This wedding would not be happening without her and the rest of the east coast family manning this ship. Oh and just wait til you see her dress. Carolyne's response to it? "She looks like a movie star!" :)

Speaking of pictures. I apologize again for the lack of pictures on this blog. I just cannot get a computer other than Ed's Mac to process the pictures from my phone. I swear, maybe even this weekend, I will borrow Ed's computer and go through this and some older posts and attach some pictures. Because, I know, I read other people's blogs, and having pictures makes a WORLD of difference.

Last little random bit of news for the day, I won a book! Gretchen Rubin, the wonderful, inspiring woman who wrote The Happiness Project has completed a new book called Happier at Home. It is released in September, but she's giving away a few copies early. I cannot wait to read this. And I'm feeling very lucky today thanks to that little moment of excitement! Maybe I'll be lucky enough to magically appear in the gym and do some exercise! :)

"If I could be wasting my time..."

Oh Maryland you feel like a visit a lifetime away already. Crazy to think I won't be back again until the week before the wedding! Which is also right around the corner. When was someone going to tell me this? So many contracts and knick knacks to sign and create.... I've started on the wedding guest book quilt. I decided the worst I could do was cut too many squares or make them too ragged, and well, a patchwork quilt is a patchwork quilt so I need to suck it up and just cut. Invites are almost ready to be sent out (so sorry for the delay guys, I know they were supposed to be out by the start of the month), just waitin' on one last piece and they'll be out the door. Bunting is also being cut out as we speak... I had my first dress fitting in Silver Spring... which was good and bad. Good because my dress fits perfectly and always has and only needs minor adjustment in the bustline so I don't end up flashing everyone... bad because I had kinda hoped to lose more weight even though that isn't necessary in the slightest. Ah well... still have another 2 1/2 months (um, what?!) Ed's working on plans for the games and photobooth we're building. It's coming together slowly, and I have more moments of panic these days but c'est la vie. Nothing here is unanticipated.

The MD visit was a good one. Way too short. I've missed my family a lot and it was so nice seeing them and seeing friends. Thanks to everyone for coming out, I know there was bad weather and bad health and heavy drinking and flight delays and chaos in general, but Ed and I really appreciate everyone taking time out of their schedules to hang out with us and also put this crazy wedding together. You've no idea how much we miss you all and appreciate your support. And also spending a night with Omi reminds me that I am no longer the partier I used to be. I was the one saying uncle and calling it a night :)

That all being said, I'm not sure if Ed felt the same, but boy did I feel out of place. It's strange that being away from a place for a year, doing something new and different, starting your own little family (no, am not pregnant), can so change what you consider home. Maybe I said it last time I visited too, that California and my little apartment with Ed feels like home more than anything now, but this was the first visit where I actually felt odd being there in MD. A sort of not-belonging? Hard to describe... but very strange and kind of sad.

Coming back home was not exactly a picnic, I was massively hungover (terrible way to fly) from a great send off with friends. And poor Ed was sick. And now we're both sick, though he is certainly Patient Zero and suffering the most. So instead of getting down to business I've been laid up reading. Finished Fifty Shades of Grey and Sarah's Key and The Year We Left Home and I've started in on The Angel's Game. Feels good to be reading so much again. I seem to go in phases.

Weight loss and fitness... well... I've sorta stalled there. On the bright side I didn't gain a SINGLE POUND while visiting home. That's right, take THAT vacation time. I even ran while in MD and that pretty much made me feel like a winner. :) Being sick however has really kicked my butt so I've been slacking, only doing Jillian Michaels videos for 20 mins a day. My eating is just fine, I'm not putting on any weight, but I ain't losin either. I can and will do better, it's a work in progress. I'm still so proud I'm doing it on my own and can fully own this as my own personal choices and hard work. Not that I would turn down a genie if one showed up... ;)

Last note, it's been getting WARM here on the west coast. Holy moly... 90 degrees yesterday and probably the same today. This weekend for Father's Day we're taking a trip to Half Moon Bay to meet Dad and Debbie for some lunch and beach time. It'll be really good to see more family and to get out and enjoy this life out here.

"I think I found my place, can't you feel it growing stronger?"

Ok so I lied to you all again, I said I would blog about Bay to Breakers as the next post buuuuut I'm waiting on a friend to post his pictures. Funny thing, when you're actually running a race, it makes it pretty hard to take pictures of all the goofy stuff going on around you. It was a ton of fun, I've never seen so many sweaty naked men up close before... Lots of great costumes and the mood was just jovial. The pace was especially nice, considering I'm a slow poke. So while my time was worse than the 10k by a min/mi or two, I felt better about the run and my recovery time was only about 1 day, versus the 3 day utter incapacitation from the 10k. Now I'm faced with how to motivate myself to continue running without the pressure of a race to train for... I did just yesterday, purchase an app that has audio simulation of you being chased by zombies while you're on missions to collect items for your base camp (it's called Zombies, Run!), and it's pretty amusing. I'm excited about the idea of just being a runner, someone who can go out and just do a couple miles to stay in shape. And it will certainly make strength training and weight loss easier now that I'm not pushing for distance. Someday I'd like to get back into distance running (if you're interested, 7.46mi is my longest distance to date), but for now I'm gonna really buckle down on the weight loss aspect. And that's what I've been doing for the past two and a half weeks I'd say... and it's finally starting to pay off.

I've officially lost about 4lbs from my recent efforts after maintaining a solid 200lbs for the past 3 or 4 months of training, I've now left the 200's. I haven't been under 200 in maybe... a year? Two? So it's a fantastic feeling. Of course I'm impatient and really ready to lose more, but it's slow goings. Mostly, I'm so proud of myself. I've never really lost weight before, only gained, so being able to be completely in control, to be the only reason I have lost the weight is amazing. Ed was supportive but it wasn't because he forced me to do anything. I didn't have to resort to any program or book or diet plan as a crutch. I didn't have a traumatic experience. I just pulled myself up by my bootstraps and realized the only way to do this, is to do it.

A big (truly, a HUGE) thing I had to come to terms with is that there is no way to lose weight by exercising. You have to modify your diet. (I can hear you readers saying 'duh' as I type this, I know) Even if you exercise like crazy, there's no way you can burn off all that you eat - and like I found, your body will probably just shut down on you if you try. All the exercising makes me feel strong, and hell, I am strong now. I can do a ton of push-ups, and I can press 5 (well now almost 10) pounds more than my entire body weight with my legs. That's kinda awesome right?! I think so :) I notice all the little things that have changed... My arms and legs have definition, I don't get winded so easily... I can do videos and exercises that a year ago made me ill with exhaustion. Such a great feeling.

On another note, it's officially under 100 days til the wedding!!! The invitations are in the process of being put together as we speak and if you must know, they are incredible. I cannot wait for people to get them. They fit the wedding and our personality so well. I hope they make people smile like I did when I saw them. Joe has done beautiful work. It's crazy to think in a little over 3 months, I'll be married to an amazing man and off to the Grenadines.. .to work on my tan of course. And by tan I mean freckles. And by freckles I mean burns. All the little pieces of wedding things are coming together: I have the bridesmaids gifts, hair & makeup plans, wood working things are being built, photobooth backdrop, rough plan for food and snacks - possible popcorn machine?, guestbook quilt is coming together, bunting, memorial candles for Opa and for Ed's dad... all the little things are actually starting to get done or taking shape. It feels great and I can't wait to have all our friends and family come in and just have fun with us. I'll start documenting my crafts soon since all my races are over with and it's crunch time for building things.

Ok so I promise, I'll post pictures and give a full recap of the craziness of the race and post-race loveliness with friends and Dad & Debbie next time... or the time after that possibly :-P til then!

"I'm sorry but I'm beginning to hate your face"

So this will be a very meeee centered blog post without many exciting tales of our adventures... you've been warned! :)

Regarding my weight loss endeavors, I've been really stalled out. I'm still running as much as I can, yesterday was a solid 6.5 jog. And yes, let me clarify, when I say I run, I really mean I jog. Those of you that read this blog know that I am no lithe dancer who floats off the ground. So in reality, my zaftig self is really doing more of a plodding jog. But it's a plodding jog for 6.5 miles so I ain't ashamed of anything in that department. I have faith that when I shed a little more weight I'll may truly be 'running' in the future. But weight loss? Nada. I've even tried checking my measurements, and we're looking at nada there too. Impossible you say? Well I guess not.

So spurred on by my first fitting for my wedding dress (which fits perfectly as is, so this weight loss is just icing on the cake... mmmmm icing...) in June, I've doubled/tripled my routine. I'm still weight training and running, and I'm adding Jillian Michaels videos, more Just Dance cardio time, and more general body weight training on top of my previous schedule. This brings me to the title of the blog, because some days when I am beat to hell, I really hate Jillian Michaels face. When she calls me out on my excuses or slacking (rightfully so), I want to throw my dumbbell through the television. I'm sure Bob would be much nicer.... :-P

I am tired. It's kind of amazing the difference between training for distance runs and training to lose weight. My runs are so much more difficult after all the extra training time. And another thing that's changed? My alcohol tolerance. I've not been very aware of how dehydrated I've become from the extra work, so the past week you can imagine my shock when I was under the table with a debilitating headache from two beers! Oy. Just another readjustment. Strangely, my eating seems to have improved along with my increased exercise, but that could also be because the grocery store is literally flooded with amazing produce right now. It's been really fun loading up on all the fresh greens, and mountains of fragrant berries.

Another major thing helping me? So many of my friends and friends of friends are exercising right now. And I've discovered I am an insanely competitive person. That competitiveness can take me pretty far. Ed, who is training for a marathon, has lost so much weight and looks amazing. I joined Fitocracy thanks to Evyan, and not long after Michelle and Felicia joined the bandwagon. Mac is training for the Tough Mudder in the fall, and his wife Megan rejoined Jenny Craig. I've long been inspired by my friend Lisa who has already done the Tough Mudder and a whole host of other races. With all of them working so hard it just makes me want to sprint to catch up and not get left behind.

I love that there are just so many people trying to change their lives, and it makes me want to work all the harder. It's a popular quote on pinterest too, "Somewhere there is someone busier than you, running right now." And I remind myself: I am unemployed. I live in beautiful California where the weather can never be my excuse. I have a wedding coming up. I have a super supportive partner/friends/family who is/are cheering me on. There is no reason to not be exercising like my life depends on it... which it kinda does, doesn't it? And not that it'll be happening in the before-the-wedding-future, I want to be in the best shape possible for when we start a family thanks to news like this New York Times article. And if you were wondering? My BMI is 30, right on the qualifying line for obese - about 40 lbs away from healthy weight BMI.

I'm hoping the next post will be lighter and cover more wedding stuff. The following post should address Bay to Breakers!!! :) As long as my iPhone cooperates, you can expect many pictures of amazing costumes and some nudity (definitely not my own). I'm pretty excited. After that event it'll be about time for me to visit MD. And I'm more than pretty excited for that.

"I'm running through the fire"

I survived!!! :) 

(Updated with new pictures!) It was such a cool experience! So many people, all shapes and sizes and ages (thank god), and it was a really nice course. Starting with a kind of intense hill up to the golden gate bridge, then across the bridge and back, then back down to the path along Crissy Field and back to the start.

Foggy, chilly morning

The runners were all nice and considerate, we were in the back with the other run/walk/slow-pacers so there was no real pressure.

The 10-milers taking off! The guy in front was running 5min miles

Prepared to carry me thru it :)

Nerdy lookin and ready!

You can soooorta see the starting line by the American flag

About 5 miles in I thought I was done for and was having some real troubling left hip flexor pain... but by then you could see the finish line and it was just ridiculous to not try and push through.

Crossing the bridge

Impromptu photo session - thank you Ed :)

The end is soooo cloooose you could see the little white tents of salvation in the distance!

SUCCESS!

Chillin cause he runs this distance every day....

With a couple bouts of walking during mile 5, I was able to run the last mile and ran through the VERY LOUD finish line right during the bridge of Foo Fighter's "Walk" which was SO AMAZING. I use that song to push myself hard in the gym and so running across the finish line to 'I'm dancing on my grave, and running through the fire...' was just so perfect. I got the chills from the music and everyone cheering. They even announced my name saying 'Great job Carly!' over the loud speakers. I wanted to cry I was so happy :) Ed was really sweet and ran my pace the whole time and even took time to take a picture of me on the bridge. I asked him how he was a couple times, projecting my struggle onto him, and then I would immediately remember he runs about 10 miles every Sunday now so this 6.2 was a walk in the park. We finished in 1hr20mins or so and I had guessed based on some charts I found online that it would take me about 1hr45m based on decreasing speed per mile, so I'm very pleased I beat my assumed time.

Thanks guys! :)

We had parked about 1.5 miles away, so including our 3mi walk to and fro, yesterday was a total of 9.2 miles. Longest time on foot to date, and longest run for sure. I'm just so happy I did it and that it was really enjoyable. Like I've told people before, Ed did not have to carry me across the finish line and that's pretty much all I can ask for! Thank you to everyone, and there were so many of you, that said such wonderful kind supportive things on here and Facebook about the race. It means the world to me and really makes me feel amazing! (I had other pictures but I can't figure out this iPhone. Stupid thing.)

Post-run... a pain like you would not believe. I just have to laugh about it now, but I was essentially walking like a robot because I could not get my muscles and joints to function after the hour long drive home from the race. Sleep jerks overnight were like little gunshots of pain to my ankles. My knees refused to ascend the stairs after feeding the cats this morning and I debated just sleeping on the couch to avoid the pain. That hip flexor issue I ran through has made it really difficult to lift my left leg for anything. Steps, walking, putting on pants, turning over in bed. I don't regret any of it and I know it'll hurt less each time I run. But I must say this is the most crippled I've been in ages. Tomorrow's a 3.5 mi run which sounds down right pleasant thinking about how much less sore I'll be!

In other news, I went back to the dentist and for those of you that don't know, apparently all of my teeth are falling out of my head. At least that's how I felt after my visit. 7 fillings on Saturday which left me shaking with anxiety and drooling (attractive, I know), with a sheet recommending a possible: 3 root canals if the fillings didn't go over well on some of those same teeth, 2 more fillings needed on the right side, and a crown on that same side. Good lord almighty. The best part of the post-race pain is the distraction from the mouth pain. But that is what I get for avoiding the dentist for about a decade. Yes. About a decade. He asked when was the last time I had work done, like my last fillings for example? And I literally had to say before the turn of the century. (EDIT: Ed would like me to also add that I could have said the turn of the millenium. oy!) Sad but true. Well, 7 fillings later with a huge rap sheet of future work, I've decided to forever keep my dentist appointments and floss like it's my favorite activity in the world.

I'd also like to take a minute to thank all of my friends and friends of my family who have expressed their sentiments about my Dad and Debbie and their troubles lately. He appreciates the support and regardless of what anyone thinks about all the things going on, it's no fun being the one under fire, and it is incredibly hard.

Rosie appreciating our t-shirts :)

"I'm an extraordinary machine"

Ok I'm gonna brag. And I'll admit I give people grief (silently and in my own head of course) when they brag. I don't care how much weight you've lost (I actually do and I'm jealous) or how far you can run (once again, jealous) or how much you enjoy your work out (super envious on that point). So it's been really odd for me to be on the other side of that for once. I'll be damned if I turn into one of those people who only talks about their exercises but I just HAD to come on here and tell the world that I am OFFICIALLY a runner! Like I mentioned last entry, my family and I have signed up for Bay to Breakers (this is so NSFW for the love of God, but you should absolutely do a google image search for Bay to Breakers if you're at home). So I've been training and following a plan Ed made up for me. You must understand, when I've 'run' in the past, it went something like this: walk for five minutes, and then run one minute and then walk one minute for about 30-40 minutes. This is not an ideal way to run a race. I don't know what got into me, but when Ed gave me my assignment, I said okay. And proceeded to run for 20+ minutes a day straight. No break. No slowing down. I've dreamed about running like this for so long...

The sheer freedom of lacing up your sneakers and just going somewhere from your own strength and determination... it's exhilarating! (Anyone else think of that ad they pitched in What Women Want? Mel Gibson will forever be associated with peaceful women's running) It's also appealing in that it's just one long meditation. An extended assignment in focus and clarity of thought. In her new book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? Mindy Kaling (from The Office) talks about using elaborate revenge fantasies to get her through exercises. Turns out I like envisioning scenes from musicals, tv shows and books in great detail. If I start thinking about the fact that I'm working out or traveling or any thought at all about my actions I immediately start to feel exhausted and weak. So I just keep on trucking. I'm also kind of a baby in terms of working out without music... It's just so alien and barbaric that one would workout without any kind of distraction... But I've been doing that too. As much as I enjoy my scenes in my head, I've started testing out just being quiet and running. And that's not been awful either!

Ok that's enough exercise talk. I just wanted to tell the world how ecstatic I am to run finally. It's like learning how to do a cartwheel or something! (I have no idea how to do a cartwheel but since I've always wanted to do one and they look like so much fun, I imagine it's the best feeling in the world)

In other news, I'm plugging away at my reading challenge. The whole Game of Thrones series really slows me down, but I love it. I'll probably love it more when the show comes on again. I also picked up another book that really got me, Discovery of Witches, which is a trilogy, and has all that lovely romance and vampire-witch relations that I can never get enough of. I'm truly a sucker for vampires at the end of the day.

And! I've officially tried my hand at canning. It wasn't as hard or complicated as I thought. It WAS as messy as I was worried it would be. I have yet to taste my strawberry jam, but fingers crossed it's delicious. It's hard not to be delicious with bright berries and a metric ton of sugar added. 

Strawberry Jam! Hopefully edible...

Enjoying the day in Mountain View

I feel as if maybe in the first few months out here, I really kind of stalled. I just was dragging my feet and refusing to tackle all these dreams I had... maybe for fear of failure or because I was still bummed about moving? I still very dearly miss MD, my friends and family. But... I believe I'm finally seeing this as home? At least as in, this is Ed and I's space here. Our little corner of the world where we can and play with crazy cats and make potato bins (yeah, I'll post about that craziness next time), and I can address things I've always wanted to do, or just do better. It's a nice feeling :)

Cabernet flight at Savvy Cellars

Also one last little programming note - today is my stepmom's bday, and she and Dad are in Hawaii. I would like to express my happy birthday wishes to her along with a heaping dose of jealousy that we are not in Hawaii as well, snorkeling with dolphins, turtles and who knows what else :) Happy Birthday Debbie!

Brunch at Louis'

"I'm off with a shot at the start"

So I just finished my daily workout, and for this first time in a long time I found myself doing an exercise where I was in excruciating pain - this is not the new part, this is in fact fairly normal for me since I'm a big pain baby - and instead of collapsing in a chest heaving, sweaty heap on the floor until Ed comes home and resuscitates me (my workout m.o.), I had the instant thought that this hurt so badly because that area was so pathetically weak.

(Disclaimer: the fitness instructor in me would like to say that pain does not necessarily equate gain and that there is a distinct difference between injury pain and weakness pain... it is up to you to be careful and know the difference and when one is turning into the other) 

But today was definitely a weakness pain in my cute-sounding-but-not-cute-looking kangaroo pouch. It was such a good feeling! I know that sounds ridiculous but... it was fantastic! Having the trained reaction change from defeat to 'of course it hurts let's do something out it right now!'
I feel like there are major first steps in a workout routine.

1. Committing to just getting there. Yes, you eventually need to really work hard, but if you can't even get yourself to the gym on a regular and frequent basis, then you just aren't going to get anywhere.

2. Working through the change. And by change I mean pain and sweat and exhaustion. Working out is not comfortable, changing yourself doesn't 'feel good' at least, not the recent state of feeling good you've been enjoying, sitting on the couch watching hoarders and eating anything you can get your hands on. And stopping cause it's hard is just too tempting.

3. There's nothing wrong with being hungry every now and then. It sucks but you can't change your weight without eating differently. That doesn't mean cutting out certain foods or sugar or carbs. You just have to eat less. As Mom says, calories in, calories out.

And I feel as if I've really nailed step 1 and step 2. Hurrah!

Another thought I've had... I'm nervous to use the wedding as a reason to lose weight. Almost every bride I know did everything in their power to lose weight for a wedding and then after the wedding gained that and much more back. I try to use 'the dress' as a motivator to get myself out the door to workout but from that point on, when the pain hits, I just focus on how much more I could physically do if I were stronger. I could swim longer, race longer, hike longer, chase down goats easier, and play Wii games longer! I could carry Ed over the threshold after the wedding! :)

There's tons more to say about wedding plans and ideas and things really freaking me out but for now I need to go collapse into a post-workout coma with some water... until Ed comes to revive me. :)