Big Race Weekend

Finally time for the big race weekend we set off up the coast to Eureka. Turns out it didn't matter that it was 1pm on a Friday, traffic was awful everywhere. Fun.

Hello, Bridge, it's been awhile

It was a truly beautiful drive. I wish I had taken more pictures but they would've been marred by nasty bug spatter all over a film of pollen dust that coated every window of the Taco. It reminded us of the drive to Tahoe, the drive to the cabin and Ed even mentioned Montana at one point. I loved it; hilly, gold and green. Of course that didn't stop me from completely passing out for a good hour or so of the trip. :)

One little town we passed through with a great welcome sign.

We made it through Eureka and were a bit... disappointed. It wasn't exactly the cutesy, interesting town we were hoping for. The hotel Ed selected, The Eureka Inn, was really beautiful and definitely had that haunted vibe I like so much.

How it looked in 1922

How it looks today

It's actually quite massive but much of it is still in disrepair according to Wikipedia. I truly hope they keep working on it, I love when we can enjoy these old buildings, even as I lose sleep wondering when the blood from the murdered newlyweds will seep through the ceiling from the honeymoon suite (thank Ed for that image).

Saturday we decided to walk around Eureka and explore all the beautiful buildings and just get out for some sunshine. Ed found a fantastic place for lunch, The Nooner Cafe.

Ed tried a local porter

"Chooch chicken" with creole seasoning, goat cheese and feta 

THIS SANDWICH. Possibly one of the best I've ever had. Mediterranean chicken kebab on flat bread  I can't explain what made it so good, but it was juicy and the olive salad, provolone, and 'garlic bubba spread' just made it irresistible.

They sealed the deal for my love when they gave us ginger chews with the check. 

After brunch we just explored the area, poking around in used book stores, walking along the boardwalk. It wasn't much and Ed wasn't impressed at all, but I could see potential. Just needed love and a couple million dollars of development!

I couldn't remember where all the 'sites' were so we just walked and I spotted one of the sites on my list in the distance. I told Ed I felt drawn to it like maybe I was related to someone who lived there or built it, like Eleanor in The Haunting. Joking. But maybe not completely...

The Carson Mansion

The Pink Lady

After all that adventuring I remembered that I didn't have any susnscreen on and the medicine I was taking said 'keep out of direct sunlight' which is ridiculous if you ask me. Is it even possible for me to be more susceptible to sunburning? Ah well, we went back to the room for me to rest and Ed continued exploring looking for grocery stores and maybe happening upon a bar on his way.

Dinner was pretty simple, we ate really early because I was starting to get really nervous about the race. We had a great pizza at this place called Two Doors Down. I was overcome by something and felt compelled to order a chocolate mascarpone cheesecake. I have no idea what happened. I don't usually crave chocolate but it just sounded irresistible. Alas, I ate it before I could take a picture.

Sunset over the bay, as ready as ever for the race!

Driving there took about 45 mins so we ate in the car. I couldn't have my usual breakfast of a carnation breakfast shake so we did bagels instead which went surprisingly well despite the morning sickness I almost always have thanks to my nervous nature. (Not pregnant, just nervous, from high school through to today)

Traffic was just fine, parking was easy. We actually parked down on the riverbed which was pretty cool to walk on afterwards. Those smooth stones felt like a wonderful massage on my achy feet! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Sorry for all the blurry pictures, I'm covered head to toe in sunscreen and I even harassed Ed into lathering up so of course my iPhone camera lens suffers the consequences.

We were there reeeeeeally early. Our race started at 845 and we were there at... 7? I didn't mind that because it gives me time to breathe through my nerves. Ed however...

Noooo, he wasn't pre-gaming. He still has the cap on the bottle here. Boy did he want to, but I think that beer tasted much better at the end. You'll have to ask him.

The Taco is somewhere down there...

There were so many people, so many different types. I tried to find the people that looked like me, assuming by bodyweight/height/running gear that they might be my speed.

Can you see the crush of people in the picture above? It was a real obstacle course in the beginning because people would stop to take pictures right in the middle of the road (I just kept running and prayed this picture wasn't blurry). It was so surreal, it doesn't look like in this picture but running into this forest was like running into nighttime. No sunlight was making it through these trees and I removed my visor for almost all of the course.

There were some really beautiful moments, but Ed commented on how out and backs can be a little boring. I agree, and would add that out and backs are particularly unhelpful in that they can't distract you from a rough run with new stimuli.

How was my performance? Not great. In the end we ended up running with: a couple that was remarkably similar to us, a struggling wife who was on the curvy side, and an able bodied husband playing cheerleader/coach, but mostly with these three middle-aged women, one of whom was doing this scuffling run/walk the whole time (totally cool - except that she kept blocking people from passing which coupled with the fact I couldn't get it together enough to pull away from her, enraged me). It was also very humbling watching the marathoners do their thing... some of them, it was unreal how easy they made it look. Others made it look as extremely challenging as we all know it must be. I did my best to cheer for them when I wasn't struggling myself.

I don't know what happened... I did well in training. I had aches and pains I was prepared for, and then, it all changed up on race day. I had pretty awful problems with my hips and with that medical thing, that required me to walk and take breaks more than I ever did in training. I was extremely disappointed at the time. The hills were really brutal on my hips. The one moment that really felt like it broke my spirit was this moderately steep incline to a bridge that was at the 11 mile mark or so. I kept telling myself I could do it, I've been running 2 miles everyday this week and I could run these last 2 miles in my sleep! But 3/4 of the way up the hill I had to stop from the pain and then I cried like a baby for a moment or two. But I had to cut that out right quick because of COURSE the first photographer on the entire race was right there at the top of that damned bridge. Ridiculous. So I hobbled/jogged through the next mile and then promised myself I would run the last mile. And I did. And while I was proud I could at least make myself do that I was really awash in disappointment crossing the finish line.

It's unfortunate that I didn't enjoy my completion more. I longed for that joy that I felt at the end of the Presidio 10k where I felt proud and accomplished. I felt a bit more broken and punished after this. Still, I don't feel like it's out of my grasp, to have an enjoyable half marathon, I know I can do it. I told Ed I might just try running a half marathon on our training run path just to show myself that I can do it and that just because it went badly on the Avenue of the Giants doesn't mean I'm not able. Does that make sense?

I wanted more closure to this chapter of my training, but maybe that's a lesson in itself. I can't have closure because it's ever evolving and it will be something to keep working on. And I'll learn to enjoy the process and not put so much weight on the one day of performance.

Half-marathon finisher!

We stripped down and changed into dry clothes and packed our sore selves into the truck for the 5 hr drive home. Not pleasant. Ed was a machine and drove the whole way. The breaks we took to get gas or use the bathroom were an exercise in pain tolerance. I told Ed I needed a machine to come lift my legs because of the agony in my hip flexors.

This is that bridge where I had my little breakdown and the photographer happened to be. You can still see marathoners up there making their way through the course.

What makes a rough run and a long ride home all better? A chocolate shake. I wanted a chocolate shake with a passion you wouldn't believe. I have no idea why. During the run I even brought it up, saying it was like, a slightly modified version of how some athletes drink chocolate milk after a workout... right? :)

All in all, it was a really amazing learning experience. I'm proud of myself for doing it. I feel ready and able to do more. I can't say enough how thankful I am for all the support, from Ed to family and friends who have been so generous with their love and words of encouragement. Anyone have suggestions for our next race???  :)

Edit: Someone convince Ed he needs to take me Disneyworld so we can do a run there. And maybe ride a bajillion rides while we're there....

"I'm sorry but I'm beginning to hate your face"

So this will be a very meeee centered blog post without many exciting tales of our adventures... you've been warned! :)

Regarding my weight loss endeavors, I've been really stalled out. I'm still running as much as I can, yesterday was a solid 6.5 jog. And yes, let me clarify, when I say I run, I really mean I jog. Those of you that read this blog know that I am no lithe dancer who floats off the ground. So in reality, my zaftig self is really doing more of a plodding jog. But it's a plodding jog for 6.5 miles so I ain't ashamed of anything in that department. I have faith that when I shed a little more weight I'll may truly be 'running' in the future. But weight loss? Nada. I've even tried checking my measurements, and we're looking at nada there too. Impossible you say? Well I guess not.

So spurred on by my first fitting for my wedding dress (which fits perfectly as is, so this weight loss is just icing on the cake... mmmmm icing...) in June, I've doubled/tripled my routine. I'm still weight training and running, and I'm adding Jillian Michaels videos, more Just Dance cardio time, and more general body weight training on top of my previous schedule. This brings me to the title of the blog, because some days when I am beat to hell, I really hate Jillian Michaels face. When she calls me out on my excuses or slacking (rightfully so), I want to throw my dumbbell through the television. I'm sure Bob would be much nicer.... :-P

I am tired. It's kind of amazing the difference between training for distance runs and training to lose weight. My runs are so much more difficult after all the extra training time. And another thing that's changed? My alcohol tolerance. I've not been very aware of how dehydrated I've become from the extra work, so the past week you can imagine my shock when I was under the table with a debilitating headache from two beers! Oy. Just another readjustment. Strangely, my eating seems to have improved along with my increased exercise, but that could also be because the grocery store is literally flooded with amazing produce right now. It's been really fun loading up on all the fresh greens, and mountains of fragrant berries.

Another major thing helping me? So many of my friends and friends of friends are exercising right now. And I've discovered I am an insanely competitive person. That competitiveness can take me pretty far. Ed, who is training for a marathon, has lost so much weight and looks amazing. I joined Fitocracy thanks to Evyan, and not long after Michelle and Felicia joined the bandwagon. Mac is training for the Tough Mudder in the fall, and his wife Megan rejoined Jenny Craig. I've long been inspired by my friend Lisa who has already done the Tough Mudder and a whole host of other races. With all of them working so hard it just makes me want to sprint to catch up and not get left behind.

I love that there are just so many people trying to change their lives, and it makes me want to work all the harder. It's a popular quote on pinterest too, "Somewhere there is someone busier than you, running right now." And I remind myself: I am unemployed. I live in beautiful California where the weather can never be my excuse. I have a wedding coming up. I have a super supportive partner/friends/family who is/are cheering me on. There is no reason to not be exercising like my life depends on it... which it kinda does, doesn't it? And not that it'll be happening in the before-the-wedding-future, I want to be in the best shape possible for when we start a family thanks to news like this New York Times article. And if you were wondering? My BMI is 30, right on the qualifying line for obese - about 40 lbs away from healthy weight BMI.

I'm hoping the next post will be lighter and cover more wedding stuff. The following post should address Bay to Breakers!!! :) As long as my iPhone cooperates, you can expect many pictures of amazing costumes and some nudity (definitely not my own). I'm pretty excited. After that event it'll be about time for me to visit MD. And I'm more than pretty excited for that.

"Keeps me walking when I'm falling down"

Hoooo boy. The day after tomorrow is the big race! I'm gonna keep this entry brief because I'm sure I'll be back next week to recap the craziness of Sunday. Training is... going. Slowly and painfully. This past week it's been ridiculously rainy and dreary and that combined with my growing fear of Sunday have made it challenging to get out and stick to things. I'm proud to say I forced myself out every day and surpassed my required number of miles every day, but I sure didn't enjoy it. It was a battle every step of the way. I'm most motivated when I have a funny podcast on like NPR's Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me or Alec Baldwin's Here's the Thing (his recent interview with Kristen Wiig is fantastic), but now that I'm running about 45-60mins a day, I'm plowing through all the episodes available. Anyone have any suggestions for funny podcasts I can tune-in to?

I've been feeling very nostalgic and... I'm not sure the right word, but maybe aspirational? Is that even a word? I'm reading a book titled This Life is in Your Hands by Melissa Coleman and she discusses her parents irrepressible work ethic and ability to make everything on the farm work (granted they would have faced some form of starvation if they didn't). I also watched Dancing with the Stars this past week when they sent Sherri Shepherd home and she advised the viewing audience to 'find the things that you fear and run toward them as fast as you can because it's so much better on the other side.' Thinking back on things in high school and college and wondering at how often I've held myself back from things because I prejudged my ability to perform... what a waste! And it's not something I've conquered by any means. I still haven't set foot in a class at the YMCA for fear of performing poorly. And even this Sunday, I've repeatedly told Ed I'm worried about my performance even though as he's reminded me, there isn't even a performance goal here. So in my quiet moments I've been contemplating how to address this... Like mothers who are afraid of passing on their body related insecurities to their children, I do NOT want to pass on this crippling self-doubt to my kids in the future. It's bad enough there are so many people in the world saying you can't do something, (whether they are right or not), no one needs that extra inner critic jumping on the bandwagon. To address it I've started meditation, trying to quiet that inner voice, and I'm making a point of trying out all of the things I love but have felt I wasn't good enough with: writing, German, psychology, physical activity, singing... there are many other things but I think those are the areas that give me the most pleasure and yet I've shied away from for fear of failure. Failure and judgement.

And another way I've tried to address this? To stop being a such a critic with my friends and family. It's hard, I'm a huge downer most of the time, always playing devil's advocate to my loved one's dreams, giving them a 'reality check.' But seriously who needs that? No one. You want to go speak in tongues and be a famous snake charmer and become a professor of Zumba? Go for it. Why the hell not? I'm hoping that by encouraging my friends and family, showing them that they have one supporter for whatever they want to do, I can get my own little inner Debbie-downer to shut the hell up and let my little cheery Carly take over.

So on that note... yay 10k? :)

"This is a game and you are going to win it."

Ahhhh frustration! I finally hit my first roadblock with running. I had my first 5 mile run this past weekend and I really hit a wall at about 4.25 miles. Now I would like to chalk this up to the hole I had run into my sock, creating a blister, altering my gait and creating some debilitating hip flexor pain, combined with a long visit from Ed's friend during which we may have dehydrated ourselves more than usual.... But it was probably just me reaching a limit I need to re-adjust to. It's always so frustrating to find that place where you know you aren't really strong enough to pass yet. Over this next week I'll be able to work up to it and past it, I just need to get used to running 4 miles I think...

Ed ran with me this weekend (he was very kind to run at about 1/4 speed to keep pace with me) and I realized that for the first time I don't need music to workout to because I'm not so out of shape that I have to tell myself 'just make it through this one song and then you can change your pace on the next song.' What a huge accomplishment, and I never even acknowledged it! I've gone from being able to run for 1 minute at a time, to 3-5 mins at a time, to now, where I can run for an hour! That's just so huge I can hardly fathom I'm actually doing that. Of course I want to run faster and further, but in terms of accomplishments, my endurance levels have never been so amazing. And with 2 weeks until my first 10k, I think I'm in a decent place. :)

I finished reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, which is a really insightful book. I think one of the biggest take aways from the book for me was that you really have to be yourself, and know what makes you happy. That there are all of these things in the world that you would like to make you happy, but they really don't. For example, I really, REALLY wish I liked fashion and high heels. I love the way nice clothes look and I own all of these heels I think look amazing. But... I never wear them. I don't wear fancy clothes or heels, I find it expensive and uncomfortable. I feel pressure to like them, I feel like I should like heels and nice clothes and  that dressing up should be something that makes me happy. But it doesn't. I avoid it like the plague, even as I'm saying 'Oh that outfit is so cute! I love those shoes! I bet that would make me feel content and beautiful' I'll be pulling my hair into a 'Meredith Grey' (see here) and throwing on my gap jeans and old navy hoodie and Adidas sneakers. It's a viscous cycle... I believe that if I dress up I'll be happy, but I never dress up because I find it uncomfortable, and then I'm down on myself for not doing something I don't like in the first place! It's so silly, it's a great deal of energy spent on something crazy. I just have to remember to 'Be Carly.' That sneakers, jeans, a t-shirt, and a "flaccid mound of hair" are perfectly fine because that is what makes me happy and comfortable.

Wedding stuff is coming together. Joe is working away at the invites, hotels booked, wedding website almost finished-up, have materials prepped for the guestbook, have a new idea for favors.... I'm truly just dragging my feet about dealing with reception details. I've started looking, and that seems to be the best way for me to get things done, to just start researching. So many details to juggle.

And you know what else I've found? I think I'm really okay with my body as it is. I could stand to lose weight, in general I would like to, and I will at some point. But I feel absolutely no pressure to lose weight to be in my dress. It fits just right as I am now and no image of a skinny me in a wedding dress for a day feels better than my homemade ice cream tastes. :-P I'll get healthier, but it won't be for some single event, it'll be for me and for a much longer period than a wedding day or honeymoon.

Last thought in regards to my title, I was listening to Jillian Michaels' podcast with Bob Harper guest staring and one of Bob's mottos is: "This is a game and I am going to win it." He even told Jillian to think of adoption in that light. Whatever the challenge, it is a game, and you are going to win it. So excuse me while I go win at running 5 miles :)

"Girl you gonna show the world that something good can work"

Good grief. Yesterday was a great day, but it was also the worst. I was so convinced it was Thursday. I really committed to it. I was convinced all my favorite shows were coming on, I told Ed how excited I was for The Office and Parks and Recreation and how excited I was that tomorrow was the weekend. And worst of all, I did my workout like it was Thursday. Meaning, I was anticipating a day off. Monday and Friday I weight train and don't run. So I try to really push hard the day before those days off, knowing I'll have time to recover. Damn you fake Thursday!! My legs are killing me today and I still have to run. On the bright side, my running is going amazing. I was having some real problems with all the attachments in my right leg the past week, but that seems to have passed with a bunch of babying. I'm up to 24 minutes, non-stop, 3k. I actually hit the 3k mark yesterday and I did a little celebratory dance and fist pump while on the treadmill. I'm sure I looked ridiculous but you have to understand. I've never run so far or so long IN MY LIFE. I'm not one of those people that once could do this and am doing it again. This is brand new and amazing. And I'm super proud of myself and most of all, super grateful for Ed pushing me to do this. :)

Mom also said something interesting the other day, that weddings are the biggest motivators to lose weight and usually the most successful motivators. I cannot stress how LITTLE I think about the wedding. I actively avoid thinking about this wedding in hopes that some kind fairy godmother will step in and do everything for me and I can just show up and be all cute and surprised:

 'Wow! You did all this for little 'ole me?! I had no idea! You all are the sweetest!' 

Alas. I do not think this will happen. (...still hoping.) The thing that's really motivating me? The race. The idea that I am faced with an immutable task in May, that I have always wanted to be able to do, gets me running every time. 

So let's see what else can I fill you in on... Oh yes, I turned 26! :) Time flies by. It was a fantastic birthday, filled with unbelievably delicious meals, fun activities and even a couple free food items and drinks. And I even got carded! What more can a girl ask for? Ed was truly amazing. He even ordered the exact cake I wanted, Prinsesstårta (with orchids on it)!  We spent Saturday in Sonoma, wine tasting and eating at our favorite places and then went to a member's club party at Jacuzzi Winery. We went to Tyler Florence's restaurant downtown, Wayfare Tavern for dinner (having to battle the Chinese New Year parade, we even got stuck behind the floats!) And on the day of my birthday? We relaxed. I got to take a nap (my favorite thing ever), we had pho for lunch and for dinner went to a wonderful Italian restaurant in Palo Alto. It was just the greatest weekend. And my big surprise birthday present?? An ice cream maker!!! (also my favoritest thing ever) It was all perfect. :) 

Valentine's Day was likewise, perfect. We actually ended up staying in and having a lovely homemade meal and champagne. Ed brought me the most beautiful roses. And surprised me with the Voltaggio brother's cookbook! It's so far beyond our skill level, but hands down the most interesting cookbook we own now.

I know I've been terribly lax about writing here... . We've just had lots of activities involving food (We went to our first Michelin star restaurant last night! - the most interesting and creative dinner I've ever had - sorry Volt!) and exercise (training, training, training) and there's only so much people can read when it comes to those topics. Gets boring reeeeeal quick. Though... I've had a suggestion that I take on a challenge like Julie & Julia and work my way through a list of something. The list being the INSANE number of classes offered at the YMCA. If I can get myself to the first of these classes, I may endeavor to attack the list... we'll see. So I apologize in advance for possible overload of information about exercising! 

There should be many more exciting things to talk about coming... a wilderness survival class, another beekeeping class, trip to Monterrey, possible trip to a popular island with mai tai's? :) and some of my and Ed's best friends are coming to visit in March and my sister may come to see them too so that could be fodder for some great activities. I'm really looking forward to seeing friends from home and showing them around our nice little life here.