One Year

Hey guys! Thank you for all the well wishes on my birthday, it was a truly awesome day and I'll recap more of it in my weekly post next Tuesday. I just wanted to write a little something to note today...

A year ago I was sitting in the doctor's office. The doctor told me I was overweight (obese on the stupid bmi scales), had disconcerting cholesterol numbers, and was riding very high with my blood sugar levels. I knew we wanted to have a baby very soon and that I needed to get in shape. I was told I needed to eat better, eat less, and work out more for my own health and for the gestational and lifelong health of any future children. So I did that. I started counting calories and I really committed to running and strength training. By May, I had lost more than 35 pounds and reset all my health numbers to healthy ranges. I survived a half marathon. And at the end of that month I was pregnant (unbeknownst to me at that point!).

A year later, staring down the end of this pregnancy, I just can't believe how much time has passed. A lot has happened and I really feel like those three months of trying to prepare my body and mind for this life change were invaluable. I trust myself and my ability to accomplish goals much more. I have much greater faith in my body than ever before.

Even though this baby hasn't arrived yet, I feel like I've really come full circle to a fresh challenge. I now have a new set of goals before me, namely being a loving, healthy role model for my children. I could not be more excited and ready to get to work on that. I'm eternally grateful for all the support of friends, family and especially Ed who really helped keep me on track. I hope I can be as supportive and encouraging for you all in your times of need as you have been for me. 

I just wanted to say that a year ago, I sat down and figured out what I really wanted and took serious action to accomplish said desires. I don't believe hard work is the key to everything, there's always a little bit of luck and good timing thrown in to make things succeed. But, for anyone out there that feels like you have something undone that you desire, I encourage you to take action this Valentine's Day. Make it a day to try something new for your health, happiness and growth. I've always liked Valentine's Day for the sappy, lovey reasons you normally think of, but now I think of it in a whole new light.

For me, Valentine's Day will now and always be about loving myself enough to take better care, and respecting my dreams enough to truly work for them instead of ignoring or undermining them. I hope everyone out there has a wonderful Valentine's Day full of self love and respect. :)

From last June. A very happy, healthy, unknowingly pregnant, me. :) 

Summertime Running & Reading

Happy Fourth!

Running in summertime... always a challenge. On the bright side, literally, the sun is up and at 'em at 5am here. Seriously, it's so bright it's unreal. It also stays light until 9pm.

It's a surreal thing. But on the bright side, it makes for some super productive days. I can start reading at 6am and my 3pm lull can be shoved aside by a quick walk outside. Of course, that walk might be a 80 degree walk which I certainly don't do well with, but that's alright. Don't think I don't hear you Marylanders saying, well here it would be a 90 degree or higher walk with 90% humidity! Yes, yes, I remember. And I don't miss it one bit. And unfortunately, it's been more like 90 degree walks here lately... what is that about?

I stumbled upon a blog that poked fun at women who wear workout capris even in the hottest weather. I certainly fall in that category - note my extra sexy capri leg tan line. To them I say, you must not know the pain of chafing. But, in light of their argument that it must make you unbearably hot, I have started looking for some shorts. Like these Lucy Endurance Long Run Shorts - but they seem to be out of stock, or only stocked in x-small. Curses! I'm waiting on a pair of Under Armour long shorts, but their definition of long is 7 inches so... we'll see. Anyone have any recommendations for long-ish fitted running shorts?

Running otherwise is in a bit of a lull. I seem to have hit a plateau in my motivation. I have enough to continue running, but not enough to push through to improve my runs. It'll come around, I know, but for now it's a bit of a battle to get a simple 2 to 3 miles every other day. Despite the lack of motivation to push through my runs, I'm still doing other exercises so, there's that. According to RunKeeper, I'm at the very start of my training for the next half marathon so, I'm not too worried.


Now, as for reading in the summertime, that is no challenge at all! I've got a couple recommendations up my sleeve actually.

First, Jagannath. 

This collection of short stories from Swedish writer Karin Tidbeck is just magical. It's no secret I've a great affinity for all things Scandinavian, so I was easily pulled in, but for those of you that never got down with the land of lingonberries and IKEA, think of this collection like a modern day Grimm's tales. I can't assure you that all the stories are set in 'modern' time because some of the stories lack time, sometimes figuratively and sometimes literally. They are encapsulated in their own little universe. Each story is so peculiar, you find yourself transported and in some cases mystified. Not everything wraps up neatly, nor is anything really pleasant, but it is so refreshing to dive in here and take a break from every expectation you have of the world. I would describe or explain more but honestly, there just aren't words for her creativity.


Second, The Dude and the Zen Master by Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman.

I struggle with Zen thought. I don't understand philosophy. It gives me a massive headache. I can appreciate it, and I admire those who can wrap their head around thought experiments, but I have never felt as dumb as I did in my Intro to Philosophy class at UMD. But - I badly wish I did understand. And so, here I am with this book. I've never seen The Big Lebowski so take heart that it's not vital you've seen the movie to glean something from this work. As one (negative) reviewer on GoodReads put it, 'it's basically two guys sitting around bullshitting.' I would amend that to say it's two very intelligent, thoughtful, experienced guys sitting around bullshitting. Bridges cites personal experience and films he's worked on, while Glassman often brings in the deeper zen meaning.For me, comparing zen thought to casual experience and to movies makes it blessedly accessible. This may not be the path to enlightenment for everyone, but if you're like me and struggle with bending your mind around 'abiding no where is abiding everywhere,' this may be the book for you. Hell, they have a couple pages devoted to the zen in 'Row Row Row Your Boat.' Now that's on my level.

Third, Me Before You by Jojo Moyes.

This book was an easy, pleasant read. It's long, the hardcover being 369 pages, but I finished it in a day. This book is for those romantics who enjoy the whole Pride & Prejudice/Pygmalion dynamic. As I read it I kept thinking - I wonder if at any point she stopped to worry that she was writing the same story line that has been written a million times before? (A thought that plagues my writing daily) But despite that, this book has wonderful characters and the family dynamics will be painfully familiar to many. The ending certainly doesn't drag on, with the meat of the book lasting about 350 pages, devoting very little time to wrapping it up. All that being said, I crushed this book in a day because I sincerely didn't want to put it down. It had been on my to-read list for ages, and now that I've finally consumed it, I encourage you to take it on vacation with you. Great summer material.

I'm reading a two other books currently that I'm really enjoying but those will have to wait for next week!

The numbers of my health

Some of you may have already seen my excitement on Facebook about my doctor's appointment yesterday. I'm gonna post some numbers on here and I am well aware that they may mean nothing to you or you may think my current numbers are still wanting... but... so what! I want to celebrate my accomplishment a little and show what kind of results a couple of diet and fitness tweaks can give you.

Before, when I went in for blood work in February, I was about to turn 27 and we were thinking about starting a family soon so I knew I needed to make sure all my ducks were in a row. Apparently, they were no where near in a row in some specific areas:

Cholesterol total: 252

LDL: 165

HDL: 60

Vitamin D: 23.6 (insufficiency level)

Glucose: 100

Hemoglobin A1c: 5.4 (an average of my blood sugar levels the past 2-3 months according to WebMD)

Weight: 201

She told me that all of my cholesterol numbers really concerned her, and that my blood sugar also warranted concern. For whatever reason, talk of heart disease and my family health history didn't sink in, but, she merely had to mention diabetes and I was shaking in my boots. The vitamin D deficiency she chalked up to not enough sun thanks to too much sun screen coverage? Crazy I know. So, she prescribed weight loss, diet change and 10 mins of sunscreen-less sun a day.

So I did it. Well, I tried to do it. I didn't 'do it' every day. I went over my base calorie limit of 1250 every now and then but it was all tracked using MyFitnessPal. I tracked any extra calories earned during workouts via my heart rate monitor. I started doing yoga using DVDs and an app called Yogify. I started meditating using a variety of sources: an app called Headspace, one called Take a Break, and CD's of meditations by Belleruth Naparstek. I worked hard and am still working hard.  (Edit: Sorry if it wasn't clear but I figured most of you assumed I'm including in my new routine my running at least several miles approximately every other day)

Yesterday was my big check up to see how it was going.

Cholesterol total: 186

LDL: 109

HDL: 58

Vitamin D: 35

Glucose: 91

Hemoglobin A1c: 5.1

Weight: 175 (ya'll.... that's 10lbs away from my 12th grade weight)

She told me I was a 'woman transformed' and that the results she was looking at was 'like I was on medicine.' I know I've lost weight but this is what I really wanted, for someone to say you are healthier now! Hopefully this is just the start.

To keep us honest, we signed up for another race! Well, two more races actually. It's hard to believe, but I'm going to try my hand at another half marathon! I meant it when I said I felt horribly disappointed about my performance at the Avenue of the Giants but that I felt like I really still had it in me to do much better. So in October Ed and I will be running in the Rock n Roll Half Marathon in San Jose.

The second race we signed up for is the Hark the Herald Angels 12k on Angel Island - the Ellis Island of the West! The course loops around the island which will be really nice, I've never seen it before. That will be in December though - I love me a good holiday run. 

Well that's about all. And for a good smile here's a funny diagram for summer vacations. I'm not sure I agree with alllllll of it - but it's pretty close!

What I Wish I Knew Before (Regarding Running and Weight Loss)

Happy National Running Day!

While I continue to delay writing a recap of our trip home, I wanted to write a little piece on what I wish people talked about before and during my running and weight-loss adventures. I am not an expert, I'm just sharing my own experience, advice or heads up I would have given myself, specifically. Obviously, I'm still working on myself - I've only been losing weight since February and running for under 2 years - so this is ever evolving. I don't have any answers. I hope this provides some support and love to those of you who are struggling out there and are feeling shame or hopelessness. 

1. Sports Bras
This it two part and mostly relevant to heavy chested women:

- It's not about how good it makes your boobs look. I have actually seen women review bras poorly based on how 'smushed' they made their breasts look. They worried it wasn't flattering or that not having their breasts look good made their tummies look larger. Granted, I made jokes about having a sports bra uni-boob in high school, but now that I'm actually running? Having a bra that made your breasts look good would be ridiculous. For me that would be like running with a heavy shelf in front. You want those things tamped down and stabilized. And you know what, who cares if it makes your belly look bigger! You're running to workout not to seduce someone. That's a popular quotation on the fitness boards on Pinterest: "If you still look good at the end of a workout, you're doing it wrong."

- They make a huge difference. I started out running in basic champion bras from Target and when I finally switched over to UnderArmour it was a life changer. Imagine going from having all the air knocked out of you with every stride, to being able to breathe normally AND even swing my arms by my sides instead of underneath my chest holding things in place! Sports bras matter.

Not good enough.

Doesn't look that different, but seriously, so much relief.

2. You can be in denial even when it is STARING YOU IN THE FACE. I kept a food diary for ages before I actually started losing weight using the MyFitnessPal app. No joke, I would write down that I ate ice cream nearly every day. Did it register with me that that was part of the problem? Not in the slightest. So, writing things down doesn't equal immediate weight loss. It finally clicked for me when I had an actual number that I needed to hit and not go over. Counting calories sucks, but once you get the hang of it, it's hard to shake. Who knows what will make it click for you, but all I can say is keep it at it until something does.

Yeah, 2 1/2 glasses of wine, all that cheese, a haagen daaz mini and chocolate bars? That surely can't add up to or anywhere near to a 1200 calorie day - I still eat ice cream, just not every day.

3. Going slow is hard, but sometimes it's the one thing you really must do. I was so sick and tired of seeing the same number on the scale so many days in a row, but eventually it I knew it would change. I just had to learn how to be patient and keep trying. Same for my runs. I'm a huge slow poke. It can be embarrassing when everyone is passing me, and when I post my workouts and my time just isn't changing but... I would rather post a slow time than no time at all. That's really the only thing that matters.

4. There's wiggle room for types of food. Quality matters, but not when it comes to just getting the weight off. This goes back to the calorie counting. You can eat ice cream every day... if it fits in your calorie budget. You won't be healthy, but sure, you'll still lose weight. People who say the key is merely cutting out carbs or dairy or sweets may not be helping you and in my case I just found it more frustrating. There's nothing magical here, no secret food that makes it all better or all worse, it's all just food. Except McDonalds and Twinkies. That's not food.

5. Cooking a lot or being wealthy really helps. I had to plan out our meals, factor in leftovers, see how far I could stretch that broccoli or brown rice. But if you can afford pre-made fancy meals, salads, shakes or sushi from Whole Foods or another company, you go for it.

6. Going out is really hard. and scary. I wanted to eat everything and also eat nothing. I was so sure one meal out would put back on all the weight I'd worked so hard to lose. Same goes for drinking. I can't think of the last time I was drunk, entirely because of the caloric intake. You have to keep working at it until you can trust yourself to not go crazy and lose all awareness of what you're putting in your body.

7. People do (unintentionally?) shame you, and you have to keep going. Whether it's out of jealousy or lack of awareness or whatever, people can say some mean things. And sometimes they'll say nothing at all which can be just as hurtful - we all want to be recognized for our effort. But it's not about other people. They are on their own journey. They may have way more important things going on than keeping track of your waist line, or they may be hurting from their own struggles and lashing out at you as an innocent bystander. Try to remember your own goals and that other silly Pinterest-popular quotation about not comparing your beginning to someone else's middle or something like that. (Edit: It also occurred to me after reading an article on body shaming that congratulating someone on their weight loss can be complicated in itself... what if they have been sick and lost weight due to illness? Is that a good thing? So, yes, it can be complicated but you just keep trying to be healthy whatever way you can no matter what outside influence says or does.)

8. It's ok to get upset as long as you keep going the next day. I won't lie and say this process has been pretty. There have been, and will still be, many days where I am feeling low about my progress or my diet or my lack of enthusiasm for working out. I'll beat up on myself or just be a huge grump (sorry Ed!) and mope around. I'll skip a workout. Or half-ass one. The day will be a wash. But as long as I get up the next day and get back to it... it's all ok. One day will not ruin everything you've done if you refuse to let it.

9. Have I mentioned it's super hard? I don't care what anyone says, I wish all of those magazine articles in Self and Women's Health that talked about how people lost the weight, discussed how hard it really is. Those articles seem to focus on women that 'just stopped drinking soda' or 'ate healthier snacks' and 'just started walking.' There was no magical moment where I ate the right crown of broccoli or stopped eating ice cream and then it all fell into place. You can make it easier by surrounding yourself with good foods and workout equipment, but I won't lie and say that makes it all easy. You still have to choose to not overeat. To break a sweat every day. To keep making that choice day after day. It's just not easy, and we shouldn't feel bad when we struggle. It's tough. And if you have a job and/or a family to juggle on top of that? It's a lot.

10. You'll get funny tan lines. Unless you work out inside, and then you'll have less of an issue here, but I've got goofy running capri tan lines on my legs and my jacket/t-shirt/tank-top rotation of shirts has also left a silly gradation on my arms.

11. Running is not better than walking. Pilates is not better than yoga. Weight-lifting is not better than cardio. Nothing is better than.What you get out there and do that is the BEST thing for you. Yes, each thing helps in different ways with pros and cons, but seriously, if it makes you sweat and it's challenging, then you're on the right track. Keep at it.

12. 'Runner's High' will not be the reason you keep running. A couple people asked me why I'm still running now and if it was because of runner's high. I'm about 99% sure I've never felt anything that I would describe as a runner's high. I'm not sure why running suddenly clicked. I think it has something to do with being unable to ignore how easy it is to go out, where ever I am, with my running shoes on and just go for 20, 30, 40 minutes at a time. I feel like I'm getting the most bang for my buck and it's nearly impossible to make excuses for such a simple task.

13. Finally, no one else knows what will work for you, so just ignore all the noise until you hear something that makes sense to you. Take that one thing and trash the rest. 

Catch-All!

Goodness, I have no excuse for not writing recently. So much has been going on and I really should be documenting it. Let me catch you up briefly before I get back to posting more regularly with pictures from our travels...

I submitted another book review today for Racialicious so fingers crossed it meets expectations. I've been a reading fool. 

It's wonderful really, and I feel more confident about my ability to assess books and appreciate nuances of certain authors. I can connect similarities and references with much greater ease. It's wonderful. Now if only I could get those connections out of my head and onto the page. My first review is here. Be gentle - I'm trying my best to learn how to review appropriately and I know I can't get better at it if I don't keep trying. Plus, I've been battling that self-doubt that says that my writing isn't good enough for any kind of publishing. Leave it to Eleanor Roosevelt to explain it best: "You must do the thing that you think you cannot do."

Running is on the back burner. It's still happening, I've not quit, and I'm still enjoying it, but without any races coming up, I'm not pushing myself to go any great distances. I did get a fancy pair of new shoes thanks to a grand re-opening sale at Sports Authority and I am in love.

They are so comfortable and it doesn't hurt that I love the way they look. I can't lie, I was badly hoping for a pair of Nike's. You all know how much I love that one Nike commercial with the singing and the literal cross country running, you know, this one:

But sadly, none of the Nike shoes were supportive enough for me. Or they were tight on my (apparently) gigantic feet. Most felt super comfortable, I told Ed it was like running on pillows. But I have a bit of a flat foot and I need more structure to my shoe so I went with the lovely Asics above and after a four mile run to break them in, I don't have an iota of regret.

I've started a regular meditation and yoga routine and I've been feeling a big difference in my emotional reactions. I feel as if I'm on a slightly more even keel than I was before. I still struggle with holding poses and keeping my mind at ease, but I'm enjoying the struggle. Along with that Eleanor Roosevelt quotation I've been telling myself to 'breathe into the resistance.' That seems to help when I'm vibrating with exhaustion and ready to collapse into corpse pose.

Weight-loss is still on track - 22 lbs down and counting! Thankfully our last visit home didn't add any extra weight - but I sure didn't lose anything either. That may or may not have been because of that Ledo's pizza. I went a liiiiiittle bit nuts on that thing. I don't regret it! Too delicious to regret. Mushroom and pepperoni and some Cholula chipotle sauce and I'm in heaven. No wonder we were eating that weekly in Reston. Note to self - do not buy a home near a Ledo's.

I'm still job hunting but that is a sadly quiet affair. No nibbles on a thing! But that's okay, I'll just keep poking around. Also, after seeing Michelle in her wonderful production of Ragtime, I'm feeling a bit inspired to find somewhere to sing out here... a chorus or a show... I'll keep you all updated if I find something.

I will be back in the MD area briefly this upcoming weekend for my sister's baby shower. I'm really excited for the gender reveal cupcakes. Let's be honest, who wouldn't be excited for cupcakes period? And add on top a gender reveal? Best cupcakes ever!

That's a decent catch all post for now. Hopefully writing these book reviews and posting on here will keep me honest. With our traveling dying down for the summer after this weekend trip, it'll be nice to get a regular posting schedule set-up.

Big Race Weekend

Finally time for the big race weekend we set off up the coast to Eureka. Turns out it didn't matter that it was 1pm on a Friday, traffic was awful everywhere. Fun.

Hello, Bridge, it's been awhile

It was a truly beautiful drive. I wish I had taken more pictures but they would've been marred by nasty bug spatter all over a film of pollen dust that coated every window of the Taco. It reminded us of the drive to Tahoe, the drive to the cabin and Ed even mentioned Montana at one point. I loved it; hilly, gold and green. Of course that didn't stop me from completely passing out for a good hour or so of the trip. :)

One little town we passed through with a great welcome sign.

We made it through Eureka and were a bit... disappointed. It wasn't exactly the cutesy, interesting town we were hoping for. The hotel Ed selected, The Eureka Inn, was really beautiful and definitely had that haunted vibe I like so much.

How it looked in 1922

How it looks today

It's actually quite massive but much of it is still in disrepair according to Wikipedia. I truly hope they keep working on it, I love when we can enjoy these old buildings, even as I lose sleep wondering when the blood from the murdered newlyweds will seep through the ceiling from the honeymoon suite (thank Ed for that image).

Saturday we decided to walk around Eureka and explore all the beautiful buildings and just get out for some sunshine. Ed found a fantastic place for lunch, The Nooner Cafe.

Ed tried a local porter

"Chooch chicken" with creole seasoning, goat cheese and feta 

THIS SANDWICH. Possibly one of the best I've ever had. Mediterranean chicken kebab on flat bread  I can't explain what made it so good, but it was juicy and the olive salad, provolone, and 'garlic bubba spread' just made it irresistible.

They sealed the deal for my love when they gave us ginger chews with the check. 

After brunch we just explored the area, poking around in used book stores, walking along the boardwalk. It wasn't much and Ed wasn't impressed at all, but I could see potential. Just needed love and a couple million dollars of development!

I couldn't remember where all the 'sites' were so we just walked and I spotted one of the sites on my list in the distance. I told Ed I felt drawn to it like maybe I was related to someone who lived there or built it, like Eleanor in The Haunting. Joking. But maybe not completely...

The Carson Mansion

The Pink Lady

After all that adventuring I remembered that I didn't have any susnscreen on and the medicine I was taking said 'keep out of direct sunlight' which is ridiculous if you ask me. Is it even possible for me to be more susceptible to sunburning? Ah well, we went back to the room for me to rest and Ed continued exploring looking for grocery stores and maybe happening upon a bar on his way.

Dinner was pretty simple, we ate really early because I was starting to get really nervous about the race. We had a great pizza at this place called Two Doors Down. I was overcome by something and felt compelled to order a chocolate mascarpone cheesecake. I have no idea what happened. I don't usually crave chocolate but it just sounded irresistible. Alas, I ate it before I could take a picture.

Sunset over the bay, as ready as ever for the race!

Driving there took about 45 mins so we ate in the car. I couldn't have my usual breakfast of a carnation breakfast shake so we did bagels instead which went surprisingly well despite the morning sickness I almost always have thanks to my nervous nature. (Not pregnant, just nervous, from high school through to today)

Traffic was just fine, parking was easy. We actually parked down on the riverbed which was pretty cool to walk on afterwards. Those smooth stones felt like a wonderful massage on my achy feet! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Sorry for all the blurry pictures, I'm covered head to toe in sunscreen and I even harassed Ed into lathering up so of course my iPhone camera lens suffers the consequences.

We were there reeeeeeally early. Our race started at 845 and we were there at... 7? I didn't mind that because it gives me time to breathe through my nerves. Ed however...

Noooo, he wasn't pre-gaming. He still has the cap on the bottle here. Boy did he want to, but I think that beer tasted much better at the end. You'll have to ask him.

The Taco is somewhere down there...

There were so many people, so many different types. I tried to find the people that looked like me, assuming by bodyweight/height/running gear that they might be my speed.

Can you see the crush of people in the picture above? It was a real obstacle course in the beginning because people would stop to take pictures right in the middle of the road (I just kept running and prayed this picture wasn't blurry). It was so surreal, it doesn't look like in this picture but running into this forest was like running into nighttime. No sunlight was making it through these trees and I removed my visor for almost all of the course.

There were some really beautiful moments, but Ed commented on how out and backs can be a little boring. I agree, and would add that out and backs are particularly unhelpful in that they can't distract you from a rough run with new stimuli.

How was my performance? Not great. In the end we ended up running with: a couple that was remarkably similar to us, a struggling wife who was on the curvy side, and an able bodied husband playing cheerleader/coach, but mostly with these three middle-aged women, one of whom was doing this scuffling run/walk the whole time (totally cool - except that she kept blocking people from passing which coupled with the fact I couldn't get it together enough to pull away from her, enraged me). It was also very humbling watching the marathoners do their thing... some of them, it was unreal how easy they made it look. Others made it look as extremely challenging as we all know it must be. I did my best to cheer for them when I wasn't struggling myself.

I don't know what happened... I did well in training. I had aches and pains I was prepared for, and then, it all changed up on race day. I had pretty awful problems with my hips and with that medical thing, that required me to walk and take breaks more than I ever did in training. I was extremely disappointed at the time. The hills were really brutal on my hips. The one moment that really felt like it broke my spirit was this moderately steep incline to a bridge that was at the 11 mile mark or so. I kept telling myself I could do it, I've been running 2 miles everyday this week and I could run these last 2 miles in my sleep! But 3/4 of the way up the hill I had to stop from the pain and then I cried like a baby for a moment or two. But I had to cut that out right quick because of COURSE the first photographer on the entire race was right there at the top of that damned bridge. Ridiculous. So I hobbled/jogged through the next mile and then promised myself I would run the last mile. And I did. And while I was proud I could at least make myself do that I was really awash in disappointment crossing the finish line.

It's unfortunate that I didn't enjoy my completion more. I longed for that joy that I felt at the end of the Presidio 10k where I felt proud and accomplished. I felt a bit more broken and punished after this. Still, I don't feel like it's out of my grasp, to have an enjoyable half marathon, I know I can do it. I told Ed I might just try running a half marathon on our training run path just to show myself that I can do it and that just because it went badly on the Avenue of the Giants doesn't mean I'm not able. Does that make sense?

I wanted more closure to this chapter of my training, but maybe that's a lesson in itself. I can't have closure because it's ever evolving and it will be something to keep working on. And I'll learn to enjoy the process and not put so much weight on the one day of performance.

Half-marathon finisher!

We stripped down and changed into dry clothes and packed our sore selves into the truck for the 5 hr drive home. Not pleasant. Ed was a machine and drove the whole way. The breaks we took to get gas or use the bathroom were an exercise in pain tolerance. I told Ed I needed a machine to come lift my legs because of the agony in my hip flexors.

This is that bridge where I had my little breakdown and the photographer happened to be. You can still see marathoners up there making their way through the course.

What makes a rough run and a long ride home all better? A chocolate shake. I wanted a chocolate shake with a passion you wouldn't believe. I have no idea why. During the run I even brought it up, saying it was like, a slightly modified version of how some athletes drink chocolate milk after a workout... right? :)

All in all, it was a really amazing learning experience. I'm proud of myself for doing it. I feel ready and able to do more. I can't say enough how thankful I am for all the support, from Ed to family and friends who have been so generous with their love and words of encouragement. Anyone have suggestions for our next race???  :)

Edit: Someone convince Ed he needs to take me Disneyworld so we can do a run there. And maybe ride a bajillion rides while we're there....

Pre-Race Day Jitters

It's almost time! I can't believe I've trained for and will be completing a half-marathon. If you had asked me what my running future looked like after that Presidio 10k.... it would be bleak. I was super excited to finish but the recovery from that race was agony. Coming to this point has been a huge accomplishment regardless of the outcome of this weekend's race. I owe a huge thanks to Ed for being my biggest cheerleader and coach through this process. He helped me through injury and bad mood and hunger-rage to get to a point where I actually love getting out and running (well, at least when I'm staring down a 2-5 miler). Thank you to my family for sending me love and support this whole time. But my biggest thanks? You guys who like my Nike+ Run links on Facebook and send me cheers through your mere click or comment. It has made such a huge difference in my training (special thanks to Jeanne for introducing me to it!). Unfortunately, I won't be able to use my headphones during the race so I won't be able to post and get your cheers on race day.

Sappy stuff aside... I am nervous! I know there's nothing I can do now except self-soothe and make sure the dialogue in my head is as positive as possible. My knee has been enjoying these short runs so I'm thinking it'll stay happy for Sunday. Unfortunately, I did have a bit of a health problem yesterday that warranted a visit to the doctor. There's a small chance it could cause some insurmountable problems in regards to finishing the race (or running at all - worst case scenario). I'm hoping a positive attitude and this medicine and all of your happy thoughts will keep me functioning in peak condition. Another thing that is nagging at me is the no-headphones thing. I totally understand why it has to be that way, I'm just worried about psyching myself out without music to distract me. Guess I should give Ed some talking points in the event I start freaking out a little!

Today we're going to blast off and take our time driving around the coast and Eureka and the redwoods, just exploring. Tomorrow will be more of the same. Sunday, I believe our race start time is 730? 745? I should check on that... :) It should be 'cold' (57-60 degrees) which for me is perfection.

This race feels a bit like a transformative stage for me. After this I will retire these sneakers (the same ones I wore in those 10k pictures) and even those same pants. They are pretty saggy now that I've lost weight and worse, I've worn holes in them from all the use. It's kind of silly but I'll be sad to part with them. They represent such a huge shift in my life - moving across country, accomplishing things I've always wanted to do, losing weight - just generally being more proactive about life. I'm not exactly a go-getter but I've really pushed myself. What's that saying? Don't let perfection be the enemy of good? Something like that. I've learned that doing my best, even if it's not perfect, is more than enough to get me where I want to go.

I'll update again on Monday to let you know I'm still alive and to post pictures of the weekend and the race. I'll take deep breaths, wiggle my toes and we can all think happy thoughts together!

Bourdain, 12mi, 20lbs, Horsies, and pancakes!

Sorry everyone! I've been delaying writing a post for too long. I kept saying, 'Oh, I'll wait until something happens and I have something to write about.' Well, we went to see Anthony Bourdain and Eric Ripert talk, finished a 12 mile run, went horseback riding and ate pancakes and I didn't write after any of that!

The event with Bourdain and Ripert was alright. They are pretty funny together and it would have been a really interesting night if we hadn't read Bourdain's books and Ripert's Avec Eric. Ripert may be my favorite chef to date. One of the questions they were asked was if you were stuck on a desert island and couldn't lift a finger to cook, what three chefs would you bring along? I named Ripert right off the bat, but as Ed and I discovered, we could only name one or two other chefs whose food we had actually tasted and really loved. Tyler Florence was also on that list. We cook a good deal of special event meals from his cookbooks and we've loved every visit to Wayfare Tavern in the city (if you visit, you must try the burger, it is magical). They discussed the merits of west coast vs. east coast cooking, whether it's more important to have a good chef or good ingredients (they heartily disagreed on this point), and said California looked ridiculous for passing the ban on foie gras ('like a bunch of rubes' according to Bourdain). They also drank beer during the second half of the discussion and after all that talk of food and drink, watching someone drink a beer will make you thirstier than a marathoner in the Kalahari. One of my favorite moments was when it was revealed that Bourdain is not allowed to cook at home. His wife believes he's incapable of cooking Italian food correctly and is also on a protein kick for her martial arts training, so it's limited options for meals. He then compared his wife to a T-Rex Chuck Norris. Isn't that just a t-shirt waiting to be made?

The next weekend was peak training for me, culminating at a 12 mile run. It went about as well as can be expected. I feel as prepared as I can be for this race.

My super chic new running visor. You know, because it's essentially summertime out here now.

My runs have a pattern generally: a slowing at mile 3, but overall good first 5 miles, a small slowing again to mile 6, then pretty steady 7-10.5, and then the slog to the end. It was pretty ugly those last 1.5-2 miles. I haven't talked about it much because I don't want it to be a reality, but I'm having trouble with my knee. Some of you may remember the horrific move we made into this apartment on our own and how I injured my knee. It flares up every now and then (Yosemite and hikes generally), and these very long runs have been pretty brutal to it. I don't care if I have to walk that last mile or three to the end of this half marathon. I'm going to run as much as I can and finish what I started. Just... fingers crossed it's only moderately painful. I'm still really enjoying the training, more so now that my runs include some gentle 3-5 mile days.

Weight loss? I'm down 20lbs and counting!

Impromptu fashion show! Look at how I'm not completely busting out of my engagment party dress now. I could lift my arms and comfortably hug someone! So glad I didn't get rid of this number.

 I think I spooked Ed when I yelped in joy at the number on the scale. I think what is most exciting about all of this is that I might finally find out my 'happy weight.' It's been a couple years since I've been here at this weight (since 2007/2008). I've got a ways to go before I'll be in the 'healthy ranges' doctors recommend, but, I'm so proud of how far I've come. It's been VERY slow, but what I take away from that is that this is no yo-yo diet. I hate this phrase but, it has been a lifestyle change. I'm going to write a post on things I wish someone had told me before I started dieting and running soon.

My current secret weapon against sugar cravings: Coconut bread! I make it, eat one or two slices and then send the rest into work with Ed. Yay coworkers!

This past weekend we went horseback riding. I haven't been on a horse in ages but Ck and I used to go out with Mom in Gettysburg and ride a couple times. Ck even took some lessons if I remember correctly... seems like 100 years ago. The trail followed the coast line of Half Moon Bay, half up on the cliffs, half on the beach. It was pretty wonderful. Ed rode a horse named Texas and I rode Thumper. We decided at the end that we had very, very little input into the horse's decisions about how this ride was going to go. You guys know how much I love my romantic imaginings - re: me pretending I'm Jane on the Moors calling for Mr. Rochester on particularly foggy, quiet runs - so of course I was encouraging Ed to imagine himself as Mr. Darcy. I'm not sure he was 100% on board and may have been partial to the cowboy side of horseback riding, but he did say he felt very manly riding a horse. :)

Last but certainly not least, this past weekend I. ate. pancakes. 

I haven't had pancakes in a bazillion years (that's an exact number, I've been counting). Okay I should be clearer, I ate a pancake. Singular. One. And it was the greatest pancake. I know there's not much variation, especially when it comes to the kind of pancake I like (plain - absolutely nothing in it, especially not blueberries or chocolate chips - sacrilege!), but it is still such a treat to get a nice fluffy, delicious pancake.

And yes, pancakes DO rank right up there with Anthony Bourdain, weight loss, 12 mile runs and horseback riding.

And just in case you were wondering what my upcoming race looks like:

It took awhile to track down this elevation map, and my response when I saw it? I did NOT do enough hill training. This could be rough.

Six days until race day!