Month 3

Oh my friends and family, I miss you all. It's been hard keeping up with people. And it's not for lack of wanting, I just find that I don't have too much to talk about. I can tell you the same things I put on here, that the baby is wonderful and cute. We're getting to the place where we can actually take her out and play with her, but only just. She's still a bit of a challenge outside the home. Homebody like her mommy! But she loves people when they come to the house. 

I've still not regained much of a fitness routine. I went running a couple times and it felt horrible and amazing all at once. I miss it. I miss the slog of true, physically challenging work. Yes, yes, carrying a baby for many hours and all her baby stuff is definitely challenging, but, well, you know what I mean. Running will fall into place - I wish it would get here faster. My reading is still slacking too, I'm watching more TV than ever with these late nights. Thank god for Grey's Anatomy and Doctor Who. I'm sure I'll delve into Netflix soon to pass the wee hours of the morning. If you're wondering what hours I speak of, it's 1:30, 2:30, 4 and 5. And then the day starts. Oof. Ed does a great job of helping us get through the morning, making breakfasts and getting her changed, while I try to transform from zombie to mommy again. A Mombie. 

Speaking of Ed, he's still very well. Working and being an amazing dad. I think I've definitely got a daddy's girl on my hands. The two of them talk forever and he definitely has better idea of what she likes to wear. I love catching them together, cooing and making silly faces. 

My cousin was here for a visit and it was awesome. It's so nice just having a friend around, especially one that Elise loves to death. It was adorable. You'll see plenty of the pictures below. On Tuesday my mom switched places with Kate and she's here for a bit before going down to visit my sister in L.A. I can't wait to post pictures of the adventures of Omi and Elise... She has all sorts of workouts and adventures planned for this baby. Poor Elise :)

 What We Are Like:
Such a happy girl. Everyday gets more normal in terms of naps and schedules. There's not a schedule yet but I know it's coming around. That is a hugely amazing thing. She loves people - when we went to vote in the primary, she was smiling at the polls and talking to people.

We Like:
* Our two fingers. We haven't picked one hand over the other, but as long as we get two fingers to suck on, we're feeling good about life.
* Mobiles and hanging toys. She's soooo close to reaching things consistently. The other day she held a rattle for a few minutes and swung it around. It's the little things folks, they are amazing when a baby does it.
* Talking to family on facetime. She seems to recognize voices more and notices the funny pictures in the phone or ipad.
* Our "friends" with big eyes - Mr Starfish, the yellow dangly stroller bee.
* Makin' a whole lot of noise. She's a pretty expressive vocalist. I'm definitely pushing the 'mama' on her. I'm sure she'll end up saying Mum or some other British inflected word in 6 months thanks to all the Doctor Who.

We Don't Like:
* Still not into tummy time. It's getting better when I do it with her on my chest.
* The mall. I attempted an excursion during the day and it was just so loud, so many people. Even in her covered stroller, it was way too much. Ah well.
* Car rides. Still. Womp. This makes me sad because it would be so nice to take her out places more. I try now, but it means bracing myself for a really ugly experience one way, sometimes both ways, to whatever venue.

Not Sure About:
* Still not a fan of my singing. Someone said that might change... at 6 years old. Crimany.

And now the picture smorgasbord! I tried to organize them in some semblance of order but it gets hard with so many....

This is our reaction to photo shoot time being over:

Some of our favorite things! Muslin swaddles, wubbanub and our starfish puppet! They are piled on top of her because my helpers had had enough of being bossed around during the photoshoot :)

 A little visit from Dad and Debbie!

And then Kate came to visit!

Facetiming with Great Uncle Tom

 

Slowly but surely growing our crazy hair on our peanut head like I did.

Kate even bought us our first super frilly cupcake like dress. I think she kinda likes it!

This picture was from the day we went to get her birth registered. So Elise is an official citizen in the states now! We had to dress her up. I had wanted to take a picture after we signed everything, but a meltdown was in the works so we scuttled out of there right quick. The sweater was ???

The beginning of the transition to the crib... Not going horribly so far...

Finally put up Mom's beautiful embroidery piece that she started for me as a baby and finished for Elise. I adore it.

Sonoma for the day! My first extended time away from the baby. Kate and the wine were very helpful with the anxiety. :)

Brief pass through on the beach... Kate ran to the water to check out how cold it was, reported back, it was indeed very cold.

And to round it out, this is post photo shoot :)

Pregnancy Recap

I want to discuss all the things that I was told would happen, that I wasn't told would happen and if/how they panned out. I'm sharing these things not because these expectations are 'false.' I'm sharing these to just show one way things can go down and how that's perfectly normal too. This will be a pretty story-oriented, lengthy post so if you're not interested, you're welcome to pass this one up and wait for the next cute baby picture post... of course, I'll still insert one or two at the bottom anyways if you want to skip to that. :)

1. Gaining Weight

I started out 'underweight' in terms of gaining pounds, and stayed within the normal range the whole pregnancy. It never really bothered me when people said I looked huge or looked like I was having twins, but for people who don't have their weight gain under control or who are very uncomfortable in their new larger bodies, those things are hurtful. I kinda expected to get big so it always rolled off my back. Now, post-birth, when people ask me when I'm due, I do want to harm them. I don't seem to be losing my baby weight very fast, or at all. So, ladies, don't be glamoured by the tales of breastfeeding equaling any weight loss. Doesn't always work like that. I'm hoping to get back to our diet and fitness routine from last year fairly soon now. I'm in no great hurry, and neither is my body, but, I'm painfully aware that I will not be one of those women who goes back to a healthy weight without a good bit of blood, sweat and tears.

2. Stretch Marks

This one makes me want to go on a bit of a tirade.
I think I've mentioned on here before, I have stretch marks. I always have - both from puberty and later from my weight gain after Goucher College.  To those who say, oh if only you gain weight at a regular pace (I did), or if only you used lotion religiously (I can show you bank statements where I invested a boatload into lotions and belly butter), or drink water like it's your job (would you like to know what percentage of the pregnancy I spent in bathroom trips?) - you won't get stretch marks... You are so wrong. So, so wrong. A huge part of it is just luck and genetics. I am not one of these people. Granted, doing those things greatly reduced the amount and severity of stretch marks I have from pregnancy... but that has not stopped friends or family from advising me about where I needed to use more lotion. To them I say, ask Ed. I could not have used more lotion and suggesting otherwise is just silly. I'll take the marks and enjoy the memories of why they are there.

3. Crazy Cravings

I think I ate ice cream more during this pregnancy than the rest of my life combined. But the weirdest thing was how in love with fried chicken I became... I mean, it's good normally, but there was at least 1 week where I ate it everyday. Otherwise, no pickle and peanut butter desires for me. I didn't really change my eating habits much other than being prescribed a higher caloric intake.

4. Swelling

This almost never happened. I had one ankle swell up close to the end, like you saw in the pedicure picture. But. BUT. I had huuuuge swelling in my feet after birth, for days and days. No one mentioned that could happen. It was painful to stand, and I couldn't even find relief from putting my feet up. Sitting made it worse but of course, breastfeeding, you spend a lot of time sitting around. I just had to drink water and ride it out.

5. Bigger breasts

Sadly, mine did not get that much bigger during pregnancy. That all happened for me afterwards with breastfeeding. I can't complain too much, it's not like I was flat chested before. So when people say, 'Your boobs are gonna get huge!' Take heart that they are in no way predictors of what may actually happen.

6. Mood Swings

This was roughest at the very beginning and the very end of pregnancy. It's hard to say how much was pregnancy related and how much was dealing with Ed's illness in the beginning, and then me going past my due date in the end. There was lots of crying. Not too much rage. I'd say a heavy dose of crying with a sprinkling of rage overall. How to manage? Well... that's just another one you have to ride out as well methinks. I did a lot of apologizing and exercise helped. Especially being in the pool because that would automatically cool me down.

7. Morning Sickness

Not everyone gets this, or has it for very long. Mine lasted about 2 weeks and it was over. Period. No remnants, nada. Ed has a coworker however, who threw up everyday of her pregnancy including the day she gave birth. That sounds horrific. So yeah, fingers crossed you won't be blighted with that!

8. Baby Activity

There are few things in life as disconcerting as the time you spend being pregnant and waiting to feel the baby. There will come a certain point when everyone is asking you if you've felt it and then expressing shock you haven't felt the baby yet. For me, this meant tons of time agonizing over whether my baby was ok because I hadn't felt her. It didn't help that people then asked if I was sure I was pregnant - jokingly, but that's cold comfort if you're a worrywart. Of all the questions,' have you felt the baby yet' is my most hated. Nothing unnerved me more than to answer in the negative over and over again. Finally feeling her was a huge balm to my hyperactive imagination.

9. Exercise

Yes. Please. Do this often if you can. I can't believe how many women I ran into that gave up on all exercise (without Dr's orders). If you take it easy it can be such a nice break from the aches and pains of the day... that being said you've got to try a bunch of things to see what feels good. I really thought I'd love prenatal yoga. I hated it. I looooved swimming. I swam while in labor for goodness sake. I do wish I had done more strength training pre-pregnancy, focusing in particular on my abs and back (for baby-lifting & bending over diaper changing purposes, not appearance). Hopefully the next time around I can work on that.

10. Supplements

Those of you who knew me in high school might remember how I had the most violent morning sickness. I could never take supplements. But this pregnancy turned my belly into a trooper. I took nearly every supplement one could think of and then some. I found that, under doctor/midwife supervision, everything was worth a shot. If it worked, (like magnesium for my aches), I could keep on, and if it didn't, (nettle tea made me nauseous after a couple weeks), I could just drop it, no harm no foul.

And finally...

11. 'Natural' Labor & The First Month

I don't really like the term 'natural' labor. I just labored without drugs and at home. Nothing natural or unnatural or good or bad about any of it. Anyways, let me say that I prepared as much as possible for this part of pregnancy, and I was more than able to handle it. The pain was like nothing I've ever felt, but it was what I had prepared for and I wasn't afraid.

What I wasn't prepared for was the first month after birth. Recovery is tough. And Elise is not a sleeper. She's getting better thank god, but it's been really hard. A full month of her not sleeping more than 30 mins ish at a time, with the once or twice a week 7 hr sleep. And then there were the growth spurts where she was feeding every hour. Every. Hour. Can you imagine? That wasn't just one day either. Multiple days. So intense. I wish someone had prepared me for all that. Especially when you go in thinking you're gonna breastfeed exclusively. I tried, I really tried. See further below about the depression part.

You hear lots of warnings about how you have to wake babies up to feed them, or that babies sleep for most of the day. So imagine our shock when we had nothing like that at all. She's not a crier, she's just awake and needs love and attention. And that can be really hard to give when you're so tired you want to weep and can hardly remember your own name. But we've made it through the fire, at least this first one!

I also really struggled with keeping depression at bay. I've taken enough psychology classes to know, being seriously sleep deprived, riddled with hormones and physically spent can equal a really slippery slope. As I mentioned I also wanted to breastfeed exclusively. It started well, the first 5 days, and then turned into a nightmare for the next 3 weeks as Elise stopped sleeping. So, we weren't sleeping, we were feeding for hours, and I was in pain from labor (normal) and breastfeeding (normal). Sitting for long periods of time can slow recovery, and unfortunately I couldn't make side-lying feeding work with Elise so I had to sit. I was hurting and feeling like a failure. We finally conceded that it made more sense to have a happy Mom who wasn't despairing and fatigued and we started to use formula in the evenings. Even though I cried the first time we used formula, I haven't looked back since. There's nothing inherently wrong with formula, it just wasn't what I was imagining when I pictured being a mother. It's hard letting go of expectations. I'm still breastfeeding most of the day (12am to 7pm-ish), but having a little break really helps me regain my sanity. I'm doing as much as I can and that's fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise if you face the same challenges as I did.

Ed was very supportive. He understood that I didn't really need anyone to talk to, I was too tired to actually vent or form sentences. He just took the reigns when I needed it, and helped me and helped us find what actually worked. He still encourages me and Elise is fantastically in love with him.

So, that's all I have to say on the matter for now... if you've got any questions don't hesitate to ask and I can post on that! I'll try to update again soon but goodness it's hard to catch a break to sit at the computer.

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Quick update on Ed and I... we're great. Very tired. We got a garden plot we're working on in our community, which is a fantastic excuse to get outside and get some fresh air and physical activity. Ed is still doing well, getting treatments and workin' hard as always. Also, he finally converted and got an iPhone! I'm sure he's thrilled to be flooded with emoji texts from my family and me. :)

Update on Elise.... She's wonderful. She's sooo loooong. She's not a very chubby baby, just a bean pole. She loves to sing and squeal and make all kinds of noises these days. We're finally getting into wearing clothes. We still don't like the carseat, the stroller, the playmat, the bassinet on the packnplay or the bouncy seat. Hopefully she comes around on some of those things. And here's your dose for the week:

Rosie loves to roll around Elise, someday I'm sure they'll roll together!

Facetiming babies! And yes, they were talking to eachother

Chillin' in our crib with the farm animals!

'Til next time!

Elise Louise

She's here! Elise Louise Mitchell!

She started making her grand entrance Friday morning around 9am, March 14th and finally joined us at 5:04am on March 15th. 8lbs 10.5oz, 21 inches long. With enormous feet. I felt as if I recognized that one foot that was continuously in my side! And imagine my surprise when she came out with a full head of hair. It's hard to tell but she sure looks like Ed - a real California girl with blonde hair, blue eyes (for now), and skin that looks like it just might tan. Ill give a full account of her birth in a post soon, when I get another moment to write things out this week. For now I'll say it was a perfect homebirth without any complications - exactly what I was hoping for. 

Ed is responsible for the first name choice. It's from a song by The Cure, "Letter to Elise" which he can sweetly play for her on his guitar. I got to pick out the middle name, Louise, same as my own and my mother, originating from my great aunt Hazel who passed away in a car accident far too young. 

My new mantra is "one thing too many". Bathroom, shower, water refill and a snack? One thing too many. Sleep, pump, feed, and brush teeth? One thing too many. It's not always the same thing that gets sacrificed although often sleep is the first to go... But it's amazing how Elise seems to know that I'm trying to squeeze one last thing into her downtime and she'll pop right awake!

She's really perfect and we're such saps for her. It might sound weird but I even love her cry. She's one loud kid - came out crying, didn't even wait until she was all the way out! She sings to herself and coos, loves to dance and flail, and I just can't get enough of all of it. Except the part where she's not a fan of sleeping from 8pm to 3am - that's tough. One benefit to her taking her time making her arrival? She's amazingly alert. She just seems like an older baby all around. I look at her and already feel like there can't be enough time in all our days to witness her growing up as much as I want. Like I said, huge saps. :) 

The kitties have been great little guardians and just hang around keeping an eye on things.

Ed was such a great birth coach. Another birth story tease - the midwife didn't show up to help in earnest until 20 mins before Elise came out into the world and I had already started pushing. So for hours on end it was just Ed and Mom making do and they were incredible. Ed is an amazing dad (surprising no one, right?). He and Elise are so in love with each other. My mom and sister are still here helping and seriously, they've been invaluable. I'm so grateful they have the time and ability to be out here for such an extended stay.  I'll be incredibly sad to see them leave on Wednesday. We're enjoying every moment left and looking forward to upcoming family visits!

The view from the rental apartment in our complex where Ck is staying with Emilia

Omi and Elise selfies! :)

Emilia cooking her giraffe and super excited about it

Thank you to everyone who has expressed joy and love for our new addition. I'm a big emotional mess and all the sweet things you say get me every time. :) And so a little extra treat for you, here's my adorable (and comparatively so big and grown up!) niece seemingly taking her first real selfie: